i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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