Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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