i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
