hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
