You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She's the barista slut.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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