I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
