uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
