Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
