but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
