Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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