Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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