this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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