She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
