something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
