No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
