so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
