We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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