oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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