i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
