If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
