I'm drive I can fine osifer
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
