worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I accidentally burped into my bong.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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