Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize