I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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