I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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