I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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