Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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