how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
