I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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