OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
