We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
