Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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