ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
