My pussy is not your playground.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
