And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm like, not good at living.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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