Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
