the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
