Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
