I like my sex mixed with concussions.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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