It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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