seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
