No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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