TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize