Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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