Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
