So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
