I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
