it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
