Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
