Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
