the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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