Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
