I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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