You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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