Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
