Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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