I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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