he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
