I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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