In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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