Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
