the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
