i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
