but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Randomize
