This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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