Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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