hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
